Time to Go Elsewhere

Ah, lazy Laos.  Never before have I found a sword as double-edged as this one.  The Lao lifestyle is a relaxed one to the extreme.  So relaxed, in fact, that something as simple as ordering a beer can take ages to be accomplished.  While beers are usually located in a refrigerator no more than twenty feet away, the server must first go chat with his/her sibling, maybe have a smoke, pass by the fridge to pet the dog, pass back by the fridge to go see who just arrived on a motorbike, stand around pointing at things with that person, walk past your table on the way to take a nap only to be rudely interrupted by you reminding about the beer order.  Then, and only then, may your request be fulfilled.  Needless to say, life runs at a much slower pace in Laos.

Time flies when you're dodging chaotic traffic and demanding vendors.  Already I've been travelling for two months and I'd hardly know the difference but for the stamps in my passport.  But I'll be damned if I haven't learned a thing or two.  I'd like to take the time to muse on some of the things I've learned thus far about Southeast Asia and perhaps life in general.

I have learned that there is a discounted price, a regular price, a sucker price, and a tourist price.  That with any luck you'll manage to pay the regular price every once in a while, though settling for the sucker price often suffices.  That haggling can be a way of life.  That the more someone tries to sell you something, the less it is worth buying.  That there's always another stand selling all the same shit to try getting a better price at.  That you are a walking wallet and to convince anyone otherwise is futile.  That if there is an opportunity to extort, you will be extorted.  That if they don't have a gun, and with a little cunning, you can eventually bypass the bribe.  That arguments of reason are usually cut short by declarations of location.  That ten minutes may describe a duration anywhere from negative twenty minutes to positive three hours.  That foreigners are given the worst seating so as to provide amusement for the locals.  That it requires an average of three people to operate a bus.  That karaoke videos are the apex of in-flight entertainment, though breakdowns are a close second.  That a bus driver may find opportunity to sleep in between potholes.  That the horn is an adequate replacement for the brake pedal.  That the existence of other souls on the road are a mere nuisance whose presence is easily dealt with by the aforementioned horn.  That crossing any street at any location is possible (and often unavoidable) with a steady pace and an iron will.  That the sidewalk is no safer than the street.  That finding the best food is as easy as finding the place with the fewest people shouting for you to eat there.  That getting a table is many orders of magnitude easier than getting a check.  That reading a menu is a chaperoned activity.  That when receiving the wrong food, you are in fact receiving the right food.  That chocolate, no matter how poor in quality and overpriced, is something that just absolutely most be located every now and then.  That beer drinking is the greatest test of one's skill as a consumer in a free market.  That when you are at a lack for what to do in a new place, go have a beer.  That the better stories are heard over beers, but the better travel companions met over breakfast.  That two dollars can mean the difference between a mat on the floor and a full bed with a private bathroom.  That saving said two dollars is always more expensive in the end.  That "wi-fi" is a relative term.  That no matter how warm it is outside, a hot shower will always leave you more satisfied than a cold one.  That as the bugs get bigger, the locals get friendlier.  That patience is a virtue as much as it is a vulnerability (though I still refuse to barge my way to the front of a line as seems to be the custom).  That cows and water buffalo have the right away, but only barely.  That a pet is only worth as much as the meat on its bones, and to treat it with any higher regard is perplexing.  That a handful of words and phrases in the local tongue serves as a ring of keys heavy enough to drag down the Hindenburg.  That keeping time is overrated; the sun and your stomach do a fine job on their own.  That expats are the developing world's primary supply of modern philosophy.  That there is a reason all expats left their Western home, and it's rarely a flattering one.  That the farther away from your homeland you are, the more you miss it, but the more you marvel at your surroundings.  That there's a whole lot of world out there, and I'll be damned if I'm going to miss out on it.

There's most certainly a good deal more, but that seems like a solid summary of what I've gleaned these past two months.  Thanks for reading, all of you who do.  Now onto the next two months and beyond.

Looks half-full if you ask me.  Better get back to it.

As is probably evident by the deceleration of my blog posts, I've found myself slowing down as I travel deeper into the backwoods of Cambodia.  Something of a perfect storm between there being less to do, the way of life being more laid back, and me trying to get the most out of my 30-day visa, I've been spending more time idly wandering backstreets and meandering through farmland on a bicycle.  I find it to be one of the best ways to explore a countryside, but it doesn't offer as dense a concentration of easily summarized stories like my rapid-fire journey through Vietnam did.

Siem Reap's a lot like Vietnam's Hoi An.  If any of y'all have the attention span to recall, Hoi An takes what has some historical significance and charm and turns it into an excuse to sell thousands of locally-made-in-China trinkets for about a hundred times their value.  It's an essential experience for any tourist, but one the wears you out pretty fast.  Luckily these destinations also feature damn cheap beer.  But Siem Reap has something that Hoi An and all the other bracelet-peddling-children-infested traps don't: a metric shitton of ancient temples.  That's a lot of ruins, in case you're rusty on your SI conversions.