Hoi An'ed out and Jungle Beached up!

I know I was looking for some training on not getting ripped off, but I didn't expect the boot camp that was Hoi An.  Y'know how pop-up internet ads are super annoying and seem absurdly ineffective at drawing any kind of business, but yet somehow they must work because they continue to proliferate across the tubes?  Hoi An's the real world incarnate of that.  Actually, I'm not really sure that town is real at all.  If it is, it exists purely to sell shit to tourists.  And boy, these people sell like Ke$ha hits on dudes; hard.  It took me twenty minutes of solid walking before the rate of hawkers dropped below one per 10 meters.  They're friggin' everywhere!  And if you don't come to them, they sure as a goat's footing come to you.  At a restaurant, at another store, while you're sleeping... there is no escape.  Worse yet are the marketing tactics, or lack thereof.  Every single goddamn merchant, peddler, and hawker shouts "you buy from me!" at every poor walking wallet (Westerner) that passes by.  There are a few really savvy merchants that precede the aforementioned slogan with a heart-warming, "hey man, where you from?" 

Aww what a quaint little fishing vil--NO I WILL NOT BUY FROM YOU!

That is what UNESCO does, I've discovered.  It transforms wonderful gems into cruel merchandised profit-milking tourist cesspools.  More or less.  It's a shame too, I'm sure they really meant well.  But in socialist Vietnam, if there's money to be made you damn well better bet that a dozen people will already be there making twice what it's worth. 

It wasn't all so bad though, I went on a swell bike ride and went for drinks with a fun international crowd, among many other things.  It's a cute town to see, but it gets old rather quickly.  So, I've already moved on to much better things.  Namely, Jungle Beach.  After a ten hour bus ride and a half hour motorbike taxi, I arrived here at five in the morning.  Thatched huts, beaches, hammocks abound, beaches, communal meals, beaches, and more.  Did I mention the beaches?  Cause if not, they're incredible.  Water as warm as it is clear (very).  No, incredible doesn't quite do it justice.  After Hoi An, they're foomxable.  I made that word up because I couldn't think of one in existence that would suite my opinion.  I was busy swimming and sleeping and not caring, so I didn't get to take a picture of it.  Just google "perfect beach" and you'll get a good enough idea.

The bed I was given while waiting for a room to open up.  Note the lack of roof.

It's a pretty splendid place, and I think I'll stick around for a few relaxing days before heading onto Dalat or some such.  Maybe the owner will even give me a discount for fixing his wi-fi, who knows.  After last night's sleeper bus, I really don't care.  I'm just gonna go for a night swim, have a beer, and fall asleep in the safety of my mosquito net.  Not a honked horn for miles.  Ahhh.

Every other seat-bed on the bus.  Notice the space for feet that extends beyond the cushion.

My seat.  Why.  Why?!?

There is no winning for foreigners in Vietnam.