It's pronounced "h-way," so that actually rhymes. Incredibly clever, if you ask me. Anyhow, the remainder of my stay in Phong Nha was nothing short of heavenly. I went a little over budget, but it was worth every penny. The farmstay definitely doesn't lack praise throughout the internet, and I'm more than happy to add my name to that growing list of extremely satisfied guests. I even took a splendid bike ride through the rice paddies, exploring little farming villages and weaving through herds of cattle and oxen or the occasional chicken all the while. That is, until I came across The Children.
Running away from The Children, most likely.
You see for the most part, the kids in this rural area were okay. Besides one who threw rocks at our vans on the first day, they mostly just said "hello" from afar and giggled. But The Children come from a different breed, something malevolent and horrible. This story starts off like any other; I'm riding a bicycle through rural Vietnam, enjoying the gorgeous vistas and the mild buzz from a local beer. Up ahead I see a group of children, maybe six or eight of them. The Children. They lure me in with their friendly giggling, cries of "hello," and the fact that they're in my way. Before I know what's happening, they're upon me. I'm a little confused, but I figure it's all fun and games. Then suddenly, the tone changes and The Children reveal their true nature. Their incoherent babbling turns into a chaotic chanting of "money! money! money!" as they grab any handhold on me or my bicycle they can find. The pit of my stomach fills with dread, and a wonderful hybrid of the fight-or-flight response kicks in. Cursing wildly at the onslaught of vampiric youths, I jam my foot hard on the pedal and begin to build speed. But the mass of flailing juveniles is too great for my poor three-speed. Reaching for the nearest brat, my hand finds purchase on a should and I push. The bike sighs in relief and begins to pick up more speed. Knowing this is my only chance of survival, I begin grabbing wildly at the remaining Children, pushing them off or tossing them aside. I'm not proud of it, but dammit I was fighting for my life! Also they were super annoying. As the last of The Children tumbles off into the grass, I pop into second gear and speed away, not slowing until the sight of the horde of bloodthirsty anklebiters chasing after me was but a distant memory. And that, ladies and gents, is the tale of how I survived my encounter with The Children.
Now I find myself safely in the Imperial city of Hue, exploring the markets and ruins of what once was a grand palace complex (with freakin' elephants wandering around). It's a decent city, not incredibly hectic but still with it's fair share of traffic and hawkers. I've got a private room for the first time, which makes any locale many times greater. There's also a lot of moats here. You could say it's the moats moats I've ever seen.
Call me Moatzart, cause that's a symphony of lilies.
As I was wondering around a Buddhist pagoda, watching some monks play a really violent form of soccer, a man (with his entire family) rides up to me on his scooter. It turns out he spent a couple years in America, and after chatting for a little bit he invites me to his house for dinner and drinks. Always open to an offering of good grub, I accept. Seems like a nice guy, he shows me his house and all of his stuff. I've noticed Vietnamese are especially materialistic... making money is just part of the culture. Remember that bit, it's important for later. As the night goes on, this guy just keeps pouring beer and I keep drinking. We feast on an incredibly spicy salad filled with chunks of liver, pieces of something intestinal, and slices of what I believe were pigs feet. All the while I'm getting pumped right full of beer. I should've known better, especially with that weird poker game going on next door that the guy refused to comment on. As the night is dwindling down, the man declares, "I pay for food, you pay for beer... 200,000 dong!" I laugh, thinking he's joking after we just talked about how kind Vietnamese are and before that, how cheap he can buy beer. Now 200,000 dong may only be $10, but $10 goes a very long way in Vietnam and I suspect the beer we drank didn't cost more than $5, at most. When he proves to be very serious, I insist on only paying half that, but make the mistake of not having smaller change. He was very happy to not give me change and I ended up paying the full 200k. Furious at this change of events, and more at myself for being such a sap, I storm off and head to my hotel. In my state, it takes me about an hour and a half of wandering aimlessly through markets and restaurants that exist only at night. It was a bizarre and confusing escapade that ended with me passed out on my bed, with the lights on. I've had better nights.
The smile of a cheat.
So with the bad taste of last night quite literally still in my mouth, I look forward to heading on down to Hoi An today. It's something of a tourist trap from what I understand, but it's on the water, promises excellent cuisine, and it's yet another UNESCO site, so I figure it can't hurt to spend a couple days there. If anything, I'll use the time practicing how not to get ripped off. It's an uphill battle as a foreigner, but by the beard of Thor I am determined not to be taken for a fool! Wait where's my wallet?
I suspect shifty-eyes over there.
5 comments:
you mean.. "Running *Hue* from the children"...
Don't fret. Being taken advantage of is just part of becoming oriented with a new place. Taxi drivers, hotels, waiters, street urchins, merchants... The list is endless. And even if it's less than a dollar, when you overpay tens of thousands in a local currency, it really is aggravating.
Well, you have just been played! Happens to the best of us. As a blue-eyed, fair skinned westerner you are a "mark" for every grifter/con artist who wants to make a quick buck. Remember Pomeii and the cab driver? How bout Rome, and the guy collecting a donation/entry fee to a church which was open to the public who also had no change for a large bill? See, you're not alone.
Hey Luke,
Sorry, you ran into some snags -
On the brighter side.........."THE CHILDREN" and "The Host from Hell" will make great episodes if you ever decide to write a sitcom about your life.
Thoroughly enjoy your writing style!
Hope today brings nothing but joy,
L A Jay
A group of shameless, evil and fun-loving children is easily my greatest fear.
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